Author Topic: Characters' Journals  (Read 991 times)

Doomlord

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Characters' Journals
« on: May 06, 2013, 02:35:44 am »
In an attempt to hone my writing skills, I decided to write a journal of some sort for characters of the story, detailing events from their perspective. Seeing how I am new and inexperienced, I would like to hear all of your feedback and criticism regarding my work. Read and enjoy.

Phodom's journal - part 1:
Spoiler (hover to show)

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Aeroblyctos

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2013, 04:21:23 am »
Not much to say. I guess it's ok.

Doomlord

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #2 on: May 06, 2013, 04:25:02 am »
Not much to say. I guess it's ok.

How does the passage make you feel?

Jaelbird

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #3 on: May 06, 2013, 11:31:04 am »
K lemme just profile this thing first... Don't mind the spoiler, it's just my notes, skip to the next paragraph.

Spoiler (hover to show)


Right, so, what's new in here compared to the miasma that Aero is already narrating on chapter 1? When I play TCO and when I read this, the main message is always the "revenge". There is one thing however, that caught my attention here:

Quote
I had buried all my hope and happiness under the soil of Dalli. The moment I placed Birgitta's necklace on her coffin, something inside me broke into pieces.

Did Phodom actually bury his family? Or did you just add new content to Aero's story? If he had done that, it would've had to happen in chapter 1. But I don't remember such thing happening. You might think that because Phodom is a human, he's forced to bury the dead of his ilk, but there's no-one to bury those bandits on that same chapter either, are there? Aero could well stand out and make Phodom stuff his family to make them not look like dead, maybe because he got insane or something.

So... #inb4addingnewcontent. Otherwise I guess it's cool.
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Aeroblyctos

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #4 on: May 22, 2013, 02:11:04 am »
Jaelbird here has a good point. But I still believe Doomlord did a good job  writing this stuff.

I don't want to intervene as I have seen in the past it just doesn't work. Better just let the player imagine what the hell he wants what happened between.

Doomlord

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #5 on: May 25, 2013, 07:33:49 pm »
Hey there guys. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. About the burial thing I indeed went ahead and added some dramatic contents on my own without Aero's consent.

Anyway I am a bit bored so I wrote this little piece of joke: Phodom's letter to Princess Celestia (from My Little Pony). Hope you will enjoy it :)

Spoiler (hover to show)

Shinokyofu

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #6 on: May 26, 2013, 08:26:20 am »
Hey there guys. Thanks for the encouraging feedback. About the burial thing I indeed went ahead and added some dramatic contents on my own without Aero's consent.

Anyway I am a bit bored so I wrote this little piece of joke: Phodom's letter to Princess Celestia (from My Little Pony). Hope you will enjoy it :)

Spoiler (hover to show)

 ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D

Funny, chaotic, DEADLY. Well, in my opinion it was like this:

Start: ??? :P :o :D ;D

Middle: ;D :P ;D [-)

End:  ;D :) ??? ::)

So the start was the best part.

Ah, and I may ask now before it's too late. Why My Little Pony?
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Doomlord

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Re: Characters' Journals
« Reply #7 on: May 26, 2013, 08:37:32 am »
It is because of the lulz. No joke.

Crossover between badass Dragon Slayer RPG and a show with Friendship is Magic in the title cannot go wrong regardless of the situation.