The Chosen Ones

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Quote from: hamza_tm on April 29, 2013, 09:28:28 pm

Sorry for the misunderstanding

Can I haz one cheeky post to explain myself? Explaining leads to explaining just like megma said

It was referring to Jael, there is nothing wrong with your post Shin at all. You're free to explain yourself to avoid misunderstandings I was just pointing out that normally people don't explain themselves like that, because they know their fellow members of the forum will be nice and understanding even if they post something daft. The fact that you did explain yourself suggests you're feeling under pressure and want to avoid anyone attacking your post. Why do I care? Because people shouldn't be under that kind of pressure, its unhealthy and affects your enjoyment of using forums. Imagine if for example all the time you had to be really careful not to put a toe out of line because you were afraid someone would shout at you? Fun life right?


I admit I don't know much I've only seen a few posts, maybe Jael is an awesome funny joking guy. From what I saw he just seems to be attacking people randomly and it looked out of order to me. Criticism is not a problem, making jokes is not a problem, you've seen his posts so you know if he is always like this or if I've only seen the bad posts. But IF this has got to point where he is making people feel under pressure to not give him an excuse to attack their posts, then frankly you need to do something. It's the mods job to ensure the forum is a friendly, productive place to relax and IF people are upsetting that you gotta take action. And don't worry that's not abusing mod powers, that's protecting the forum from people who will (whether they realise or not) ruin it.

So if you ever feel like for example you are having to take extra special care with your spelling or punctuation or grammar (or anything) because you feel someone is gonna shout at you, there is something wrong with the atmosphere and it needs fixing!

Now this is where I have a lot of fun.

What you are referring to, is not actually against the rules of the forum. You are talking more about a general code of conduct. Which is to be used everywhere.

However, if something is keeping someone under pressure out of fear of judgement; That is on the line for breaking a rule. While it can be considered unfriendly by one person, it can be considered another view point from another person.

So for an example, say I were to criticize people for misspelling words, or using improper punctuation, a lot of people would considered that unfriendly. Where as from my point of view, I would be trying to help those people fix their mistakes and better their writing. There could be others that see it from my point of view as well, but there wouldn't be many.

And so now, if you were to report me for my criticization^*1, I could turn that onto you for being unfriendly. That could be done because now you are singling me out, and "falsely accusing" me.

Now we both are in trouble, and there is more on you than there is on me. Because now, not only are you being unfriendly, you are also attacking me. However, this is just from my point of view. From your point of view, you are wondering what you have done wrong, and are trying to defend yourself.

Because these types of things are on the line of going against the rules, they are hard for moderators and admins to judge.

Now with the fun part out of the way, the solution(s).

My favorite solution one could take to resolve this matter, is to send a private message to the person that is causing the pressure. Ask them kindly to rephrase the way they criticize. And repeat this up to three times total. After that, you take it to a moderator and then let them handle it. If it still continues, you would talk to the same moderator again about it, and discus what to do from there. It should never become public unless the moderator(s) or admin makes it public.

Another thing that one could do, is learn to ignore it/not let it bother you. If for what ever reason you cannot do this, then either try talking to the person, or go to a moderator.

The final solution would be to take it straight to a moderator.

Now, I would like to note, that these are solution I've seen work out for the best of everyone. And as you can see, for the most part, the problem never goes public unless someone of higher authority brings it to the public.

That actually benefits both parties. The party causing the pressure, isn't singled out, and "hated" by the rest of the community, and the party receiving the pressure, gets it resolved, usually fairly quickly and generally with no repercussions^*2.


A side-note. The example you gave, is how life is when you get into the U.S.A. Military. So, in my opinion it is not a very good example.

Now don't get me wrong, I understand that you're talking about it being more like, the person shouting isn't trying to improve you, but just wants you to stay in line and follow the rules so they don't have to deal with you.

However, there is always at least two sides to everything. So for you example, the person shouting is trying to improve you, and help you become the individual you signed up to become. Or even if it is a person such as parents, they are raising to, they could be trying to raise you to be proper, well behaved, and so on.

But again, at the same time, they could just not what to deal with you. And if it is someone else, such as a random person in the street, why should it bother you? They have no authority over you. And the same can be side for them, you do not have authority over them, so you should not be telling them how to live.

^{*1: This is more of a note to the moderators/admin(s) This word is considered incorrect, even though it is a correct word and spelled correctly.
*2: The normal repercussions are getting attacked more, and getting singled out by other members.}

Sorry that it is long. Like I said at the start, this is the kind of thing I have fun with. I love dealing with things that are "on the line", because they vary so greatly depending on the person. Why I love dealing with them, is because to me, it is a puzzle, and I'm trying to find that center line. The kind of line that is so crystal clear, that it cannot be misunderstood.