Author Topic: Grammar Corrections  (Read 1655 times)

Jynnx

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SUGGESTED FIX #1 - PHODOM SKILLS
« on: March 18, 2012, 11:07:33 am »
AVATAR -
[current] Phodom strenghtens his body and increases his blood flow giving him extra strength attributes for 10 seconds.
[suggested correction] Phodom strengthens his blood flow giving him extra strength for 10 seconds.
[?????] is strength supposed to be Strength?

OFFENSIVE ROAR -
[current] A powerful roar that increases Phodom and his allies' morale and attack damages by 33% for 10 seconds.
[suggested correction] A powerful roar that increases Phodom's and his allies' morale and attack damage by 33% for 10 seconds.

SOUL BURN - not a big one, so you can get away without fixing it, but the sentence that starts with Fire Demon should start with The Fire Demon instead.

IMPACT FLARE -
[current] Phodom charges his weapon with the element of fire an opponent damaging and stunning for 3 seconds and giving it Stagger for 6 seconds.
[suggested correction] Phodom charges his weapon with the element of fire, damaging and stunning an enemy for 3 seconds and giving it Stagger for 6 seconds.

AURA OF FIRE - the first 'sentence' of the current version is not technically a sentence... you don't have to use 'emanates' but you need a verb right there to make it a real sentence.
[current] A permanent aura of extreme heat around Phodom that deals damage to enemies around. [...]
[suggested correction] A permanent aura of extreme heat emanates from Phodom, dealing damage to nearby enemies.

FIRE ELEMENT - SUGGESTION Fire Elemental

FLAME EXPLOSION -
[current]  [...] damaging and stunning enemies around for 10 seconds. [...]
[suggested correction] [...] damaging and stunning nearby enemies for 10 seconds. [...]

COLOSSAL SLAM - (its the ground that is trembling- blame us insane English people with our bass ackwords language)
[current] With power and magic, Phodom slams the floor trembling the ground in a wide area.
[suggested correction] With power and magic, Phodom slams the ground, making it tremble in a wide area.

GROUND ZERO - technically there should be a , after decimation but I doubt anyone will notice other than me.

HEAVEN'S BLESS - SUGGESTION Heaven's Blessing     (this one really threw me off lol)

PHOENIX COMBO - Again I have a suggestion, but if you don't want to use it, here is regular correction:
[current] With great force and bombardment from his hammer sends Phodom and his target slowly to the sky while hitting the foe rapidly, dealing damage to it 12 times. Then slams the enemy [...]
[suggested correction] The great force and bombardment from his hammer sends Phodom and his target slowly to the sky while hitting the foe rapidly, dealing damage to it 12 times. Then Phodom slams the enemy [...]
SUGGESTION Phodom hits the enemy 12 times with such force from his hammer that it raises both Phodom and the target slowly to the sky. Then Phodom slams the enemy [...]

CHAOTIC RIFT -   SUGGESTION change 'the unfortunate creatures' to 'any unfortunate creatures'
[current] Opens a Chaotic Rift causing gigantic damage around Phodom burning his foes alive. If the unfortunate creatures survive this devastating explosion their attack damages are minimized to nearly zero for 10 seconds.
[suggested correction] Opens a Chaotic Rift causing gigantic damage around Phodom, burning his foes alive. If the unfortunate creatures survive this devastating explosion, their attack damage is minimized to nearly zero for 10 seconds.
« Last Edit: March 18, 2012, 06:38:28 pm by Jynnx »
Time is the greatest teacher, but it kills all of it's students.